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He never had any real information about my friends often he just used the limited things he had observed or heard. He hated this, he knew I did it because it took away a lot of his power. I made sure that my social and family life were as separate as possible. It wasn’t only my brother he would compare me to, he used his limited knowledge of my friends against me too. Unfortunately in my family my father succeeded, my relationships with my brother and half brothers is forever fractured. They need family members to revolve around them, individually, so that they are easier to control. It is rare for siblings with a parents with narcissistic personality disorder to be close. When he controlled communications he could control how we felt about each other. And if he triangulated us, controlled communications, then he could twist situations to serve his malicious purposes against either of us. We wouldn’t unite against him because we were too busy resenting each other. If my brother and I were at odds with other, due to his machinations, then my father was in control. Our father fostered and nurtured resentment and jealousy between his children. And I know that on occasions my father would do the same to my brother against me. Sometimes I would resent my brother, instead of resenting my father for making the comparison. These comparisons also served to drive a wedge between my brother and I. And there was nothing I could do about it. My situation or behaviour was a reflection of my own intrinsic unworthiness. And if it was a mistake it was a huge failure, not a learning experience. It made me feel that whatever I was doing was not good enough. To compare me unfavourably with my brother served several purposes for him. He had many tactics to subtly make me feel not good enough.One of those ways was to compare me, always unfavourably, with others. His body language and facial expressions would express his dislike of me. He would use the silent treatment to punish me. But I needed a deeper understanding of what I’d been through.

It was a huge relief to know that, despite what I’d been told all my life, the problem was him. The label of narcissistic personality disorder helped me see our relationship dynamic generally but I needed specifics. It felt very important to establish how he had abused me, so that I could use this information to work towards healing. But how this linked to my father’s treatment of me I didn’t know, even after I realised about narcissistic personality disorder. I struggled with anxiety, stress, depression and suicidal thoughts, throughout my life. Now I realise that it was because of my toxic upbringing. I thought that this was just a coincidence. In my lifetime I had attracted a lot of toxic friends, partners, colleagues and bosses. It was also something that I was used to, my normal. There were many subtle ways my father abused me, this is why it was so difficult to see. Until I could pinpoint how he had abused me, I couldn’t move forward. “Yup,” one wrote, “We get expelled for hacking/ schools in other places/ get expelled for shooting people.Once I knew about narcissistic personality disorder it explained my father’s general behaviour but not the ways he abused me. On the student discussion board, kids oscillated from gossip to annoyance to bemusement.

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Still, he thought it was a drag that he had to change his security password because of the breach. “I thought they had to be really smart to do it.”

“They’re pretty genius for doing it,” said Chris Cantwell, 16, a junior. The hackers were the hot topic on campus. Scott said she hoped to use the hacking incident to discuss respecting teachers, academic integrity and fellow students. Monta Vista students sign a technology agreement at the beginning of the school year promising to use computers appropriately.

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“They try different possibilities on how to learn this.”Īnother parent said her son had been disciplined “not expelled, but I don’t want to say anything further until I talk to my lawyer.” “This generation is always interested in how this computer works,” she said. She asked for anonymity to protect the identification of her son, a minor. But they didn’t do it because they wanted to do something bad, just curiosity,” the mom said. “I understand what the boys did was wrong. The mother of one of the disciplined Monta Vista students said her son, a sophomore, meant no harm.

The case brings echoes of an earlier cheating scandal at Saratoga High, another academically gifted school where students used high-tech instruments to steal tests. “You talk to one student who brings another student forward.” School officials are still questioning students, Scott said.

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